It’s been a wild ride. In fact, I often refer to my relationship with Bob Armantrout as Trouts Wild Ride. Over the past twenty years, we’ve moved sixteen times, bought two homes, lived and worked in five countries and one U.S. Territory across three continents and the North Pacific.

We’ve weathered frightening storms, enjoyed spectacular sights, survived the hospitality business, experienced intense passion, lived incredibly diverse lifestyles, helped raise three beautiful children, grew great food, read a lot, took a lot of pictures, wrote a lot about them, composted our poo, collected sky juice, explored that nature thing, cooked indescribably delicious meals and made many, many friends. We became best friends and learned quickly that we would die for one another.

Against all odds, we celebrate this particular anniversary in at our new home in Kumasi, Ghana. Although we thought it would be a fine idea to return to the country of Bob’s childhood, it seemed like a pipe dream until three months ago. Move number sixteen.

We’re in the thick of it. I walk dirt roads with a backpack in search of onions for dinner with a smile on my face. Bob chops the lawn with his sharp machete. Can’t wait to see what the next eighteen years brings. And beyond.

Link stopped by today and we had a long three way conversation with Bob about this and that. Eventually, the topic of unconditional love came up. Bob referred to something Kurt Vonnegut Jr. wrote about people getting hung up on the word love, as in “love thy neighbor.” Vonnegut suggested we substitute the word “respect” to make it easier to swallow.

A discussion about the difference between love and respect ensued and out of it came the question, “Can you love someone even if you don’t respect them?” My answer was “No.” To me, the kind of love you would give someone you don’t respect is not really love.

After Link left, I started thinking about the news stories I’ve been reading on the web about my brother Joe. Apparently, he wrote a letter and sent it to all 15,000 of his parishioners advising them to get absolution before taking communion if they had knowingly voted for a pro-choice candidate and had understood the implications of that according to the church at the time they voted.

I had to think on this for a little while before coming to the conclusion that I still respect my brother as well as love him even though I don’t agree with his position. I believe in the separation of church and state and in a woman’s right to make a choice without breaking the law or risking a back alley abortion. I believe that American fetuses are no more sacred than Iraqi citizens, some of them undoubtedly pregnant women.

But regardless of the issues, I can respect my brother for doing what he feels is right, namely advising his parishioners regarding their spiritual health. Now I’ll have to give some thought to how I might feel if someone I love did something I couldn’t respect or even of what that something might possibly be. I figure if someone does something that I can understand and it doesn’t cause me pain, then I can probably respect them for it.

That Link – always thinking and now he’s got me thinking, too.