You can fly for peanuts, but don’t let one cross your lips.

Towards the end of November, Bob got assigned of a couple of farm audits in the-middle-of-nowhere Kansas and, in a stroke of brilliance, decided to route himself through Denver, book an extra four days, and bring me along. It had been two years since we’d seen our Colorado family and friends and everyone we pinged was happy to arrange their calendars to include our impromptu visit. We packed and flew out at dawn on December 2nd.

Although we had pre-board passes, TSA pulled me out of line to examine a Kentucky Fried Tofu sandwich, a bag of homemade cocoa mix, and some leftovers in a Ziploc Twist ‘n Loc. They ended up giving the sandwich and cocoa a pass, but held on to the mashed potatoes, sausage gravy, and Brussels sprouts. “I’m sorry,” the woman explained, “mashed potatoes fall into the ‘gel’ category.” She offered to dump and rinse my container but, embarrassed, I demurred.

We ate in the air, sharing Bob’s sandwich and some peanut butter crackers I found at the bottom of my purse, speculating on whether or not the flight attendants would offer free water while listening to the loudspeaker sales pitch. If we really got thirsty we could invest $2.99 in a bottle of water, a soft drink, coffee, or tea. Coffee and a snack could be had for $4.99.

Our time in Colorado was rich with bright memories: an evening with Emily, Tyler, Nolan, Amy, Molly, Shane, Steven, Caroline, and Ned, savoring Amy’s hand-harvested wild Idaho rice and homemade Thai stew, watching three-year-old Nolan negotiate his world of towering adults; frigid strolls with Cathi, Shirley, Rob, Amy, and Bob; a nostalgic Data Entry Products holiday party at Sharyl and Rob’s with their son, Logan, daughter, Mikki, and friends, Margie, Tim, and Jeff; ambushing Sharon at the Habitat Thrift Store; pizza with Julie; a late lunch with Shirley, Cathi, and Fred; and plenty of lounging in our hosts’ sunny guest rooms.

Beyond its dry clarity, the quality of daylight made me feel closer to the sun. Which of course, we were.

On the flight home we were again bombarded by a garbled sales pitch. In a hurry to get into their jump seats, the flight attendants whipped their words to a blur like cars on a runaway train.

This time, I had filled a plastic bottle at one of the post-security check water fountains, and TSA had not confiscated our lunch: a pair of breakfast burritos. Just as before, I’d been asked to step outside the line to watch a man rifle through my purse. He held up the offending item and raised his eyebrows. “That’s lunch,” I volunteered. Bob and I held our breath while the man palpated the gel-like contents of our burritos, then shrugged and placed them back in my bag. Just in case, I had brought two peanut butter Tiger’s Milk bars.

We were in the air when the speaker crackled again. My ears pricked up at the word “peanuts” and my face fell when I realized they were asking us to not eat anything containing peanuts. “Did they say we can’t eat peanuts?” I asked Bob, folding my arms across my chest. “That’s what I think I heard,” he said.

After devouring our burritos, I sat and stewed. I was still hungry and that tiger bar was calling to me from the bowels of my purse. I’m of an age where I remember free peanuts and in-flight dinners on porcelain plates. Being told my food was off limits was bad enough; I’d be damned if I was going to pay $3 for a tube of Pringles!

I reached into my bag, unwrapped dessert, and took a big bite. “Are you hiding your power bar from the flight attendant?” Bob asked, glancing at my hand beneath the tray table. “Yes,” I said, chewing furtively. Embarrassed by my juvenile act of rebellion, I chomped down quickly and caught a hunk of lip between my teeth.

Double damn, I thought: crime doesn’t pay. And it turns out that just desserts taste like blood and peanuts.

An obruni turns to an obibini in the men’s room and says, “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice…”

No, wait! Wrong joke.

Okay. So the Kumasi airport was shut down with no warning on Saturday and after six days officials cannot say when it will reopen. The sound bytes in the news stories these past six day are a bit amusing to those of us not trying to get out of town. Not so funny to people traveling, trying to do business between Accra and Kumasi or those in the tourism industry. Not to mention the airlines.

Welcome to Kumasi. Only you can’t actually fly into Kumasi these days. Have a nice day!

Asuma Banda, the Chief Executive Officer of Antrak Air is particualry unhappy, having lost an estimated $300,000 since the closure. According to a news article, Banda blames the Ghana Civil Aviation Authority (GCAA.) The official word from GCAA include lame assertions that they’ve closed the airport for our safety and that the “gaping potholes” were caused by rain. Nothing about when the airport will open. No word about what airport officials intend to do to prevent closures like this, this one being the third closure in the past year.

Granted, this is Africa so I shouldn’t be surprised. But seriously!

The opening story on September 29 is a gem:

Kumasi Airport Closed
The Kumasi Airport has been shut down temporarily for repair works to be undertaken on the runway.
Airport officials have confirmed to XYZ News that gaping potholes on the runway will be sealed during the repair works.
It is unclear how long the temporary closure will take.

In subsequent stories, routine checks were mentioned and a picture of the one of the gaping holes was released. Bob and I shook our heads. If these checks were being done on a daily basis (or at least weekly) it’s hard to imagine how a  hole like this could have developed. And if inspections weren’t occurring at least weekly, how can they call them routine?

Meanwhile, our house mates are planning trips abroad. Even if the airport is open in a couple of weeks, they are wondering if it might be prudent to take the six-hour bus trip than risk the plane flipping over after catching its wheels in a pothole.

In the absence of hard data, it’s easy to let our imaginations run away. But hard data is not to be had. We don’t know how big the holes are, for example. Although I gather the holes were not insignificant. When the Minister of Transport, Collins Dauda, looked at the damage he was shocked, saying “it is not a small hole, it is very deep and wide and I think this demands a lot of work at the place to fix the problem.”

Nor do we know how much weight the runways can handle. Or when they’ll let us know more…

Oh wait! This just in:

Kumasi Airport re-opens at 2PM today

RadioXYZonline.com can confirm that the contractor working on the runway at the Kumasi Airport has completed work on the potholes that caused the airport to be closed down temporarily.

XYZ News’ Ashanti Regional Correspondent, Isaac Justice Bediako, reports that the construction firm has completed work on the runway and handed over the airport to the management.

The airport is expected to be opened at 2:00PM this afternoon to commence operations.

This will come as a welcome news for Airlines plying that route as the closure affected their operations.

The Minister for Transport had earlier indicated that the airport will be opened last Monday but the date had to be postponed as the repair works were more than expected.

Industry players have asked the Ghana Civil Aviation Authority and the Airport authorities to run regular checks on the runways to prevent such future closures.

They have also called for a restriction on the sizes of planes that ply the airport in order to ensure that runway does not develop potholes in the future.

Well, okay then. I certainly do hope regular runway checks and weight restrictions are implemented. You know, for our safety.

Oh, and about that joke. Click on “continue reading” below if you must. : )

A young man named Jack, hopelessly in love with his girlfriend Wendy, decided to have her name tattooed on his love muscle. For obvious reasons, the tattoo was done while his member was erect, therefore most of the time all you could see were the letters W and Y. Shortly after the couple was married and were honeymooning in Jamaica, Jack found himself standing in a bathroom next to a Jamaican man. Jack accidentally looked down at the guy and could not help but notice that he ALSO had the letters W and Y tattooed.

Unable to contain himself, Jack says, “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your tattoo which matches mine. What a coincidence! Do you also have a girlfriend named Wendy?”

“No, mon,” the Jamaican replies, laughing, “my tattoo says: Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day”

Also, here is the text of the most comprehensive story to date from yesterday.

Asuma Banda Disputes GCAA’s Claims

Asuma Banda, the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Antrak Air, has disputed claims by the Ghana Civil Aviation Authority (GCAA) that the Kumasi Airport runway was damaged by recent downpour.

Speaking at a press conference on Tuesday, he disclosed that the runway got damaged as a result of the landing of heavy aircraft and dared GCAA to challenge him if they think his assertions were untrue.

He explained that “a number of reasons have been given for the deterioration of the Kumasi runway. But all airlines including the GCAA and the Ghana Airports Company Limited (GACL) are aware the primary reason is caused by heavier aircraft.”

He added that “landing heavy jets in Kumasi is like landing the A380 in Accra.”

He pledged to hold a demonstration if management of the GCAA does not take steps to prevent the damage of the Takoradi Airport runway in the Western region.

The maximum landing weight of the Saab 340A that CiTylink operated to Kumasi from 2003 to 2011 was 12925kg.

During the same period, Antrak operated the ATR 42-300 that has a maximum landing weight of 18300kg.

The ATR 72-500 that Antrak and Fly540 are currently operating has a maximum landing weight of 21850kg.

However,the BAe 146-300 has a maximum landing weight of 35153kg and also lands at higher speed than the turboprops.

Asuma Banda explained that the Kumasi Airport had been closed on three occasions for repair on the runway since September 2011.

Antrak, which is currently flying passengers to Sunyani in the Brong-Ahafo region before transporting them by bus to Kumasi, has lost about $300,000 since the closure the Kumasi Airport.

He said if GCAA dared him he would employ independent experts to access the situation, stressing that he would claim damages if experts confirm that the runway was damaged by heavy jets.

He expressed regret that the GCAA declined to attend the press conference, stressing that it knew it lied to the public.

All airlines operating in the country should have their representatives on the board of GCAA to ensure that the interests of all stakeholders are taken into account, Asuma Banda indicated.

“What message are you therefore sending to the public,” he quizzed.

He disclosed that though Alhaji Collins Dauda, the sector minister, was in the process of accessing the extent of damage, he was not a technocrat.

He called on government to employ technical persons to assist him in ascertaining the facts.

The Deputy Director of Ghana Airports Company Limited, John Q Amedior, said the government had released an amount of GH¢10 million for the rehabilitation works.

Mr. Amedior noted that his outfit had adopted measures to mitigate the repercussions

He was unsure when the Kumasi airport would be reopened for business but stated that the company was working around the clock to reopen the airport.

Last night I finished re-reading “A Far-Off Place” Laurens van der Posts’  1974 sequel to “A Story Like the Wind.” I felt it appropriate to read both novels in preparation for our own journey to Africa, given our recent move to Africa.

Set in Africa, both stories explore the relationship between Francois Joubert, a French boy born and raised in the remote African interior and Xhabbo, a bushman he meets by happenstance and their relationship with the natural world. The tale is exquisitely told of Francois’s coming of age and their ultimate journey across the Sahara with Francois’s friend, Nonnie,  Xhabbo’s partner Nuin-Tara and Francois’ dog, Hintza.

I first became aware of Laurens when Bob introduced me to his writing twenty years ago. He was born in Africa and spent time among the bushmen, writing an excellent book about them titled “The Lost World of the Kalahari.” I am a fan of van der Post because, or perhaps in spite of the deep insights he brings to his writing. The last chapter did not leave me wanting. I particularly enjoyed the following thought-provoking excerpts.

The first concerns the possible causes of wanderlust in civilized man. It hit close to home, perhaps a bit too close, given our penchant for what would seem to be travel for travel’s sake.

They had come to Africa on the assumption that by moving to a new world they would leave their problems behind and find a place where there were no such problems and no such hindrances. They seemed to have had no inkling that human beings, whether they liked it or not, carried their problems about with them wherever they went.

So in their three hundred and twenty years of a new life, even in the Africa of their promise, when this craving for a better way of being seemed thwarted, they had again and again renounced homes and possessions just as readily as any in Europe and moved deeper into the interior, looking once more for a place where their problems would not exist, where life would be innocent like a slate wiped clean, and they could write all over it perfect phrases and sentences of the perfect life on earth. They had of course found no such thing. They had not only not found it but had gradually begun to create a greater form of tyranny than they had opposed and fled from in the beginning, so unaware were they of the new heresy of believing in places where evil did not exist. Not only were there no such places in Africa but there were none anywhere else in the world. Man had run out of places, had run out of geographical solutions for his problems and changes of scene as a ‘cure’ for his restlessness. >snip<

The real, the only crisis out of which all evil came was a crisis of meaning. It was the terrible invasion of meaninglessness and a feeling of not belonging invading the awareness of man, that was the unique sickness of our day. And this sickness, he was convinced, was the result of the so-called civilized man, parting company with the natural and instinctive man in himself.

The second excerpt concerns the domestication of cattle for milk.

He found unbearable what he saw in the eyes of cows, bred into an unnatural state by men, so that instead of yielding half a gallon of milk a day that was necessary for rearing their calves, they were bred to develop udders bursting with milk so that they could hardly endure the anguish of it. And all so that they could yield twelve to fourteen gallons a day, not for calves but for men. They were treated not as warm-blooded mammals who had rendered men single service so much as soulless factories.

A woman in bright fabric catches my eye. She is surrounded by three leaping children and all of them carry a plastic grocery bag. Sharing the load, blithly. I see a couple pushing a cart of bedding. A vendor of flashing finger beams and other brightly lit toys stakes out a spot outside the theater doors. People glide by on bikes and scooters and someone steps briskly into the night with their headlamp already lit.

The lights inside the theater lobby are brightly lit now and I can read the words ‘cotton club’ on the inside wall of the second floor. The sky is dark. Some of the rooms across the street are lit up. Perhaps someone is watching my face as I type. What a peaceful way to end another magic day.

Well, here’s the big news: Bob and I are moving to Ghana, Africa for one year and will be leaving the United States in June!

Columbia University is handling a grant-funded pilot program aimed at figuring out a process for turning fecal sludge into Biodiesel. Last week, Bob received a firm offer from their Department of Earth and Environmental Engineering with the salary he requested.

We find this exciting on multiple fronts. First off, we have both long wanted to spend some time in Ghana. Second, we’ll be working with our good friend Jeremy. Third, Bob needed the work. And fourth, we love the pace of life in the third world.

Bob lived in the coastal city of Accra, the capital of Ghana between the ages of nine and fifteen. We’ll be living in Kumasi, about 160 miles inland from Accra.

His father’s work with Kaiser Aluminum took the family there in the sixties. His father was in an extractive industry, damming a river for cheap power, shipping in ore, turning it into aluminum and shipping it out.

Years ago, after somewhat following his father’s footsteps into the world of manufacturing, Bob promised himself he would not take another job in an extractive industry. Since then he’s been involved in remediation, recycling, biodiesel and teaching.

With this move, Bob will be coming full circle. He’ll be putting his energies into transforming waste into fuel, providing the communities with the revenue they need to clean their waste water.

We are keeping the house, which is a first. Generally we sell and give away nearly everything, put a few things in storage and pack our bags. Where we end up is always a surprise. This time, we plan on ending up right back where we started from. In a year.

The moral of this story is be careful what you wish for!

I’m convinced our impending move to Ghana all began on March 31st when I responded to sister-in-law Kathryn’s Bucket List blog post with the following comment:

You’ve inspired me to throw together my own bucket list.

Train an elephant
Ride a zebra
Learn to skid logs out of the woods using horses, mules, donkeys or oxen
Take voice lessons
Write a book
Move back to Belize
Visit Machu Picchu
Spend a couple of months in Ghana with Bob and the kids

Everything else I’ve wished for has already come true.

And so begins another chapter of Bob and Camille Throw in Together to Create a Life of Joy and Fulfillment by Following Their Hearts!

1640 miles driven
42 gallons of fuel burned (approximately one barrel of crude oil)
36 relatives and 6 friends visited
24 bars of lavender soap made from Biodiesel given away
2 copies of Lyle Estill’s book “Small is Possible” distributed
561 photos taken
Hundreds of minutes of audio recorded
Countless memories made
Many, hugs and laughs shared
A few tears shed
70 hours of sleep taken
22 meals eaten
Dozens of snacks nibbled
1.5 meals eaten out
6 different beds slept in
5 cups of coffee sipped
2 farms toured
1 unforgettable trip to an Amish bulk food store

I don’t mind admitting that our recent move to Anytown, USA has me spooked. I woke to solid proof the other morning when I realized I had just dreamed about corpses two nights in a row.

In both dreams, I was circumstantially forced to look at the unburied dead. Although I did everything I could to avoid the cadavers, by the end of the dream I had no choice but to face them. It amazed me that the good people around me did not notice my revulsion. My protestations were ignored.

It’s hard to imagine that moving to an innocuous little town in this oh-so-safe country is enough to throw me off balance. Especially considering that I spent my childhood and most of my adult life on this soil. What could I possible be nervous about?

For starters, how about my own shopping lists, which refuse to die despite dozens of trips to the store. No matter how many bags I drag up the stairs to our apartment, there is always another thing to add to the list. To put it bluntly, I’m afraid of getting sucked into the culture of obscene wealth.

It also makes me nervous to consider living among the walking dead, where one third of the population is on “meds.” Think about this the next time you are barreling down the highway, squeezed between twin mothers in 6,000 pound vehicles as they struggle to balance their coffee cup and cell phone. It is no wonder I cannot ignore what my psyche is whispering to me while I sleep.

I am also a bit apprehensive about winter – 6 months of lifeless gardens. I’m not sure how this will feel after 8 years of endless summer. I’m anxious about having to amend my carefree, barefoot ways, especially as regards my responsibilities towards family.

These are all reasons enough to cause me nightmares. Now that I have acknowledged them, I’m going to do what I must to put them aside and function as a normal citizen. It would be socially irresponsible to do otherwise.

But this year, we are unable to say we aren’t helping deplete age-old fuel reserves. To date this year, we have purchased plane tickets for over 27,000 of flight miles. According to Traveling Light: The Environmental Impact of Vacation Travel : “A typical 737 flight containing 100 people flying a two-hour, 800 mile flight gets 50 miles per person per gallon.” Given this formula, we must post 546 gallons or 27 twenty-gallon tanks of fossil fuel on the debit side of our Eco Report Card.

I wish I could say that we regretted this unfortunate trend enough to stop it cold, walk away from the airport and keep on walking until arriving at our next destination. But as long as our career is up in the air, I’m afraid that we will also be up in the air, doing our share to rapidly drain oilfields in the Middle East and elsewhere.

At the time I heard these words, I attributed it to the cynical world view of the elderly. As far as I could see, there wasn’t that much wrong with the world. It looked pretty much the same as I had always seen it.

30 years later, I catch myself telling people the world has gone to shit. So many things have changed and not for the better. People are more spun up today; they walk less, talk to each other face-to-face less and spend less time learning through first hand experience. At least that’s what it looks like to me.

Certainly the airlines have gone downhill since the 70’s when meals were served on every flight over an hour and the only people you saw getting frisked in the airport were being arrested.

Yes, airline travel pretty much sucks these days. I’m not sure if it is the natural consequence of placing profits before common sense or a twisted plot to keep Americans from leaving the country.

Our latest air travel experience featured a free movie and beverage. This fact was heralded in large posters throughout the airport. We were happy to discover that a safe take off and landing are still part of the package deal. I wonder how long this will last. All the signs point to a continued downward trend in service, which at some point surely will ripple into the pre-flight mechanical checks.

Oh sure, the old time amenities were still available for a price. For $2 a person could purchase a set of head phones to hear the sound track of that free movie, for instance.

Never mind that the flight crew felt free to talk over the movie dialogue, just when they had gotten to the juicy part. This is what I heard over my headphones:

[leading man to leading lady] “But, I really love you
[enter the pilot: “WE HAVE TURNED THE SEATBELT LIGHT ON AND ARE NOW CRUISING AT 35,000 FEET BLAH DE BLAH DE BLAH AND HOPE YOU HAVE A ENJOYABLE FLIGHT”
[leading man to leading lady] “it just wasn’t meant to be, how can you ever forgive me?”

I was dying to know what the leading lady said while the pilot was talking over the soundtrack.

For $3 you can get what used to fall under the “short hop snack” category, basically cheese and crackers and for $5 you can buy a Budweiser. Which is what I did. Because if you are going to miss your lunch and parts of the movie and it makes you wonder which parts of the pre-flight check may have been cut out of the budget, you might as well start drinking, no matter what you have to pay.

It seemed like a mistake at first. Standing in the check in line at the Managua Airport we noticed a large, shiny blob of plastic. A mesh handle stuck off to one side. The baggage handlers picked it up and swung it like a bowling ball bag onto the scales. There were so many layers of shrink-wrap on this thing that the color of the bag was indiscernible.

We’ve used duct tape on our luggage on occasion but these people had certainly gotten carried away!

And then we began seeing more. By the time we reached Miami, pods reminiscent of Nation of the Body Snatchers were showing up everywhere. Misshapen and glistening, they rested quietly at their victims feet, rode silently on conveyor belts, and bounced jauntily onto claim carousels. I could see the look of envy in the eyes of those reaching for their plain, unprotected bags.

Inevitably, we soon came across a manned shrink-wrap station, which promised the ultimate in security for those willing to pay the fee. Apparently, this trend is a reaction to a couple of incidents in which baggage handlers used customer luggage to transport illegal drugs.

I would love to have witnessed the birth of this business plan! Convincing airport officials, crafting a marketing plan and last but not least, the solid waste disposal plan. Because everyone knows that single use products are manufactured for placement in a landfill or incinerator queue at the end of their short life.

As soon as we was finished playing with the absurdness of this new trend, we realized what a truly bad idea it is. Not only are they selling a product certain to augment a growing garbage problem, they are capitalizing on the senseless fears of a gullible general public.

Worst of all, they use precious oil to make it. I mean, “Hello?!” – We’re spending billions of tax dollars and killing how many people to stabilize the oil market so we can manufacture more single use plastic packaging to make more people feel more secure?

So, what’s next? Shrink-wrapped cadavers? Well……….Click on More to read the ABC News Story “Coroner Wants to Shrink-Wrap Bodies”

Coroner Wants to Shrink-Wrap Bodies

Feb 18, 2005

OLYMPIA, Wash. – In the case of a natural disaster or terrorist attack, some emergency officials in Western Washington plan to be prepared — with a large, shrink wrap machine.

The Thurston County Coroner’s Office recently won approval to purchase a machine able to shrink-wrap human remains. The process would make it easier to transport a large number of bodies.

After the bodies have been autopsied and identified, they would be zipped into body bags, placed on a plywood trays and covered with cardboard lids.

The trays would then be pushed through the machine and come out in shrink-wrapped packages. The wrapped bodies would be easier to carry than body bags and less disturbing for workers, county Coroner Judy Arnold recently told The Olympian newspaper.

“It’s hard to think of people in those terms,” she said. “But it’s a matter of logistics, and we want to do it in the best and the most respectable way for both the deceased and the family.”

The coroner’s office has already started a bidding process to find a company to build the machine. A Homeland Security grant will pay for the machine, which will cost an estimated $50,000.

Rob Harper, spokesman for the state Department of Emergency Management, said it’s the first plan of its kind in the state. The department administers the federal Homeland Security funds.

Emergency officials around the region began discussing the idea after the terrorist takeover of a Russian school in September and December’s tsunamis, which killed more than 120,000 in Southeast Asia.

Photos of both events revealed the dead lying on the ground or being tossed into pickups.

The emergency officials want to avoid dealing with numerous limp and hard-to-carry body bags, especially in a situation where volunteer workers may not be used to handling human remains, Arnold said.

The shrink-wrapped bodies could be moved with forklifts, and the extra plastic covering would seal in biohazards such as anthrax in the case of bioterrorism.

The entire machine could be wheeled on a trailer to other parts of the state or taken by helicopter, Arnold said.

Bette Shultz, Thurston County’s emergency management coordinator, said the machine is something that could have been used in the tsunami aftermath.

“You know, it’s neat, but it’s kind of creepy,” she said. “It’s one of those things you spend a lot of