blingIt was while enjoying one of my many guilty pleasures that I first came across the word “bling.” “What do you suppose this means?” I asked Bob, pointing to the picture in the State Line Tack catalog. Bob rolled over onto his right shoulder and took a look. It was a pink tee shirt with the words “Never Enough Bling” across the front.

Wikipedia’s definition: “Bling-bling” (sometimes shortened to simply “bling”) is a hip hop slang term which refers to expensive jewelry and other accoutrements, and also to an entire lifestyle built around excess spending and ostentation. In its essence, the term refers to the exterior manifestation of one’s interior state of character, normally displayed through various forms of visual stimuli.

So, there you have it, we thought. Until this morning when Bob pulled up a site for Bling H2O. As if bottled water wasn’t bad enough, here is water in limited edition, corked, frosted glass bottles handcrafted with crystals. And not just any crystal. Please note that these bottles are decorated with Swarovski crystals! As if this could possibly be of any importance.

I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing but a little voice whispered, “Behind every business plan is a targeted demographic.” Well, if this product has a buyer, this country has truly gone to the dogs. Which, by the way, have their own demographically targeted bottled water product in Molli’s Choice.

Eddie Izzard is right. Americans ARE the new Romans. We pledge our nationalism with our right hands over our hearts, provide bread and circuses for the anesthetized masses and drink tap water from frosted bling bottles.

By Camille Armantrout

Camille lives with her soul mate Bob in the back woods of central North Carolina where she hikes, gardens, cooks, and writes.