“Have a safe day!” the cashier said as she handed us our receipt. When we were outside on the asphalt, Bob turned to me and said, “What up with that?”

What is up with that, indeed! Is this the new alternative to “Have a nice day!” or did Safeway tell their cashiers to start saying this so we could feel safe because we bought our stuff at Safe way?

Now, I know what you must be thinking. You must be thinking, “Hello! I thought these two only shopped at the Pukalani Superette and Ah Fooks! What are they doing dropping dollars at one of the big food chains?”

Regardless of whether this is a national trend or merely the trendy marketing ploy of a national corporation, it does raise the third question, which is, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Does it mean I need to buy a newspaper on the way out and look up the color of today’s terror alert? Does it mean that we missed another whole terrible episode on network television? What are the chances, really, that a person with a ski mask and a silencer will catch up with us before we make it home? Or, that a wayward SUV will cream our little car before we get where we are going?

Our excuse, by the way, for being in the Safe Way to begin with was that we had gone to the liquor store for Kahlua and they were out. We have become dependant upon Kahlua ever since a friend of ours suggested we try squirting some into our after-work shot of frozen tequila. He called this a Brave Bull and it has proven to be exceedingly good.

In fact, we went online to research some other interesting Shooters and found a myriad of fun designs. Two that caught my eye were the Chocolate Monk (Kahlua, Bailey’s and Frangelico) and the Duck Fart (Kahlua, Bailey’s and Crown Royal).

We know this one thing for certain and that is Money and Liquor are right there at the base of All Evil. Add a driver’s license, some prescription drugs (one out of three Americans) and an average IQ of 100 and you are looking down a dark barrel indeed! When you take all that into consideration, it isn’t surprising that there are nearly 45,000 vehicular deaths a year in the US.

And in that respect, the words of the Safeway clerk become crystal clear. What she was probably saying was (after looking at the four bottles of on sale Kahlua we had just purchased) “Watch out.”


By Camille Armantrout

Camille lives with her soul mate Bob in the back woods of central North Carolina where she hikes, gardens, cooks, and writes.

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