They Say

They say she believed in Q-anon, and that they shot her after she crawled through the window. They say two of them were involved in the Pittsboro Circle Protests. They say the guy in the beanie tried to sell Nancy Pelosi’s podium on eBay, that the bidding reached 56,000, and later, that the listing was a hoax.

They say one of them died of a heart attack after tazing his privates while reaching for plunder. That he posed with four of his guns before coming down to the capitol and that he was a generally nice guy, R.I.P.

They say the cops were complicit, or under-prepared, or lacked backup because “you know what happened the last time the National Guard came to manage a mostly-peaceful, D.C. protest.” They say the crowd was incited by their commander-in-chief saying, “After this, we’re going to walk down and I’ll be there with you. We’re going to walk down,” or that the Viking-helmeted LARP larkers and the booted commandos with their zip ties were from the other side, sent in to make us look bad.

They say they won’t stand by and let socialists rip the heart out of our country, that they don’t want a godless, amoral, dictatorial, oppressed, and socialist nation, and that they’ll never give up. They say it’s time for the Second Revolution.

They say we can’t trust the other side, that we must work together, that the vaccines are on their way, and that we’ll never let them stick us in the arm. That climate change is a hoax, that the planet is burning, that they are coming for your baby, and that these people cannot be reasoned with.

They say it’s too late, that it’s never too late, that we should write our representatives, hunker down, get a gun, start a garden, go out and get herd immunity, invest in Zoom, pull our money from the stock market, stop eating beef, stop eating soy, stop the steal, stop fighting and unite.

They say step away, boil some water, light a candle, drink some tea, go for a walk, call a friend, eat chocolate, practice gratitude, get some sleep, and remember to breathe.