Closet of Anxieties Politics The USA


As the details around the insurrection settled into my chest like a bad cold, I realized it had shattered my belief that regardless of our political leanings, we were all Americans who held some things sacred.

On Wednesday, January 6, 2021, a hoard of self-proclaimed patriots, some of them armed, stormed our nation’s Capitol, broke windows, and destroyed furniture. Five people would end up dead, but thanks to Capitol Police and The Secret Service, no lawmakers were flayed or hung.

I had been out running errands and stopped to see Helen and Judy. They were pampering me with chocolate and pashmina as this went down. When I climbed back into my car, I turned on the radio and listened in disbelief. It was one of those this-can’t-be-happening moments.

I was nine years old the last time my world view was shaken to this degree. Like every other pink-faced elementary school student, I was swept up in Kennedy’s Camelot. I believed our leaders were good men, revered and invincible.

John F. Kennedy’s assassination turned these assumptions inside out and I was floored, my sense of reality crushed like a mouse beneath a hard-soled boot.

In the days following January 6, details of the riot settled into my chest like a bad cold, shattering my belief that regardless of our political leanings, we were all Americans who held some things sacred. That life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness did not include permission to ransack the capitol in search of the Vice President and other lawmakers who had been labeled traitors by their leader. I believed that a President would never incite an insurrection and that if he did he would meet with swift justice.

Now I know that all bets are off, anything can happen, and some will stop at nothing to achieve their moment of glory. I see that our national bloodstream is infected with people who believe the system must be shredded but who have no plan for how to replace the essential services provided by that system. And that a corrupt, delusional leader can retain a 30% approval rating.

I’ve lived in the third world, with potholes big enough to swallow a motorcycle, intermittent water and electricity, and undisguised corruption. I’ve seen how hard it is to survive when it’s every-man-for-himself, where mayhem is beyond control. It isn’t pretty and it is not what I want for my children and grandchildren.

January 6 was my red pill/blue pill moment, a gut punch to my understanding of the human race. It only took a few broken windows to see that reality has always been subjective, that we never were a union, and that there never was equal justice for all.

Ultimately, I did get my head around Kennedy’s death, and was reborn as a wiser, albeit more jaded me. I hope to one day look back upon the Capitol siege with some kind of understanding.

Both sides agree that freedom and democracy are at stake. I want to think this is where our path forward begins.


By Camille Armantrout

Camille lives with her soul mate Bob in the back woods of central North Carolina where she hikes, gardens, cooks, and writes.

4 replies on “Shattered”

My mouth hung open and I think my heart stopped beating. JFK’s assassination did the same to me. At 15yrs of age my father died overnight. That’s 3 times too many. I feel a fool to think our generation was beyond this gross behavior.

Exactly. I’m sorry you lost your father at such a tender age. Life sure throws some curves. I’ve been luckier than most.

That which is sacred was taken from us through the actions of a few last week. It is just the final straw in a long line of improper actions from a man that tried but failed to lead us as a united country. I understood his original concept of breaking down the “old boy” network. I had also hoped that trump would have gotten China’s hands out of our pockets by rebuilding industries and making the US independent again. To think that the majority on our pharmaceutical products are made outside of the US just makes no sense at all.

Those that instigated must be held accountable. We only need to look back 75 years to be reminded of what can happen by a misguided leader. We must stay mentally strong and not be so gullible and easily brainwashed and by a derailed leader.

We need to find common ground to overcome the rhetoric and actions of the past four years. I was taught values to show respect and care for others. I am not always perfect and I have my share of failures. This life is not a video game or a cartoon it is real and people do get hurt. We are responsible for our actions and there are consequences. We need to truly care for one another and be less self centered and self absorbed. Belief in our democracy is essential for the survival of our country. When we are not constantly told lies and that everything is fake we can hopefully start to heal as a nation.

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