Seven Decades – lessons learned

I am celebrating my 70th birthday today by going for a walk with Shelley and taking the rest of the day to muse and reflect. I won’t be doing laundry or moving mulch or cooking. Bob and I will order pizza for dinner and we’ll be foraging the fridge until then. I may draw a picture or lay in the hammock and talk on the phone or cut some flowers or sit in the shade and read. Whatever I do or don’t do, I will mark the day with intention because Seventy sounds like a big number.

Like all of you out there, young and old, I have mastered some stuff since my emergence on June 4th, 1954.

Here is a short list of things I have learned:

First decade, birth through 9 – Bodily Functions
I learned to walk and move my body without smashing into things, to ride a bike without holding on, to sit in balance atop a horse, to swim in the salty waters surrounding City Island, to write, and to read about Lassie, the Black Stallion, and the holy martyrs who willingly allowed others to violate their bodies.

Second decade, 10 through 19 – Independence
I learned to change a diaper, look after my little brothers, hitchhike, clean up my room and paint the walls, run away from home and return with my tail between my legs, make pancakes, body surf, pass a blastocyst, go to the hospital, leave home, drink a pint of scotch in one sitting, get a job and then another and another, and rent an apartment.

Third Decade, 20 through 29 – Healing
I learned what it feels like to get your head shrunk, to dry out, wait tables, drive a car across country and back, and start thinking of others. I began amassing a tool kit of coping strategies for living without fear, pain, or avoidance. I learned to laugh and help others see the funny.

Fourth Decade, 30 through 39 – Consequences
I learned about marriage and how one shouldn’t take it lightly and marry the wrong person but most of us do anyhow and have to get divorced. I learned to pay attention to my body and feed it with exercise. I started jogging, then learned to stretch first after getting plantar fasciitis. I learned how to start a business and later, why owning a business is not for me.

Fifth Decade, 40 through 49 – Enlightenment
I learned about life after divorce, how to recognize my soul mate, about true love, second chances, following my heart, sharing a life, shaping a life, and how it feels to live off the grid in a developing country.

Sixth Decade, 50 through 59 – Maturity
I learned about forgiveness, how to connect with my parents, nurture a marriage, feed family connections, move and settle down, move and settle down, give everything my all, stay committed, and be kind.

Seventh Decade, 60 through 69 – Self Care
I learned to say no, slow down, ask for help, take it easy, make French Onion Soup, self-publish, learn from others, take nothing for granted, and focus on the people who bring me joy.

Many of you have learned these lessons and more. Perhaps you know how to make a Souffle, or knit a sweater, or not use swear words in front of decent folk. Like you, I am still learning and like you, I did not learn these things without help.

My father nurtured my intellectual curiosity, my mother took me into the water, held my hands, and told me to kick, my grandmothers gave me unconditional love and cookies, my brothers taught me to be gentle, my friends helped me listen and learn, and my husband, Bob, proved to me the power of hope over experience.